Ashley here, with another food for thought. 

Without a doubt, Gelaine and I suck as a whole not updating as frequently as we said we would. Honestly, not going to give any bullshit excuse—but life as usual just got in the way. The two of us are full time students with a part-time job and trying to meet in between just isn't in the works as of right now. As for summer, well we've been working 20-30 hours a week and Gelaine did go out of the country—timing was just never on our side.

But here I am with a blog post to start off the new school year! The two of us are in third year and I came across the idea of doing a 'Back to School Post', but I just didn't know how to approach it...I mean I could do a back to school haul? But most of my supplies are from the dollar store or staples...Although, please buy ink at Best Buy cause it's a hellllaaaa good deal there than Staples (unless you have a costco membership then bless your soul cause ink prices are a blessing there).  Then there's the idea of a back to school look book, but we've been swarmed with classes, work, and events that there was just no way we could meet up to do so. So then how exactly am I going to do a post about school if it's not about style/beauty/hauls? Simple. Just telling you exactly how it is.

School sucks.

Now don't get me wrong, education is an opportunity as well as a gateway to our future. Learning is a gift that grants us with knowledge. However, the process of gaining knowledge sucks. You start off with kindergarten, moving on to elementary, middle school, high school and then your post secondary education or going straight into the workplace right? As simple as these steps and stages sound, what you do in between and during is what sucks.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that from my personal experience with school there's just so much to take in that it gets overwhelming how much of it has changed. Kindergarten you're either playing around or learning the alphabet, elementary to middle school you're slowly gaining knowledge in a sense where you apply them and it makes you realize your strengths and weaknesses. High school is the year where it either makes you or breaks you. It's the place where you supposedly have an idea of your future and what you want.

But I didn't have the idea of what I wanted.

While all my friends had a sense of understanding of what they're good at, I was just a....floater—I waited and sure you can say procrastinated with what I wanted to do, but I just lived in the moment and did work that I had to do. I had a structure of how my life should go: "After high school, I'm going to university..." But the question is what did I want to do? I left it till the last minute and ended up taking my BA at Ryerson for Sociology with a minor in Criminology. Now you're probably thinking, "Okay if you didn't know what to do...Why didn't you take a year off?" But posing a question as simple as that is much more complex in real life. My mind set at the time is to make my parents proud because growing up we've been through hell and back—and all I want to do is make them proud.

Now I'm in my third year, I'm at the point where I'm not gonna look back and say I regret this and as much as I complain (since i live and breath complaints errryyday), I'm going to make do with what I have and with what I can do. I enjoy my program, I've made friends here and there and I've learned to gain interests and what not. What I want to do after is another story. It's scary, thinking after that BA—What will I do next? Masters? Year off?

Anxiety gets the best of us and it doesn't matter how old you are or what your current situation is. However, you as a person, as a whole shouldn't doubt yourself—I've realized that there are many people who are going through the same process, and that we are not alone. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, school sucks cause it plays a role in developing a sense of self, and for people like me who are floaters, where exactly do we fit in? Attaining a type of career choice is either a) being judged upon ("Oh so you're taking Sociology? What are you going to do after?" "Sociology? You're going to be a social worker?"), b) the demand in the job market is do or die at this point because there are high demands in one sector and low on the other, c) forced upon ("Why don't you be a nurse!"), etc. etc.

Now I've seen it all, I've seen it through all my friends and family members–We all impact each other in some way and where I'm getting at is: Take a deep breath, inhale, exhale and clear your mind. You can get through this.

I love lists, so I'm going to list off things right off the bat instead of going off into a tangent:

• If you don't know what to do—Don't force yourself into something just so you can please everyone around you. It's not easy, but if you could hold off and find something you love then it would be worth it in the end.
• Don't compare yourself to others. I've been in this state of mind for years and it's not pretty—whether you hear their achievements, or listen to your parents gloat about them—do not ever think you are less than them. You are your own person, own up to it and simply show what you can do. Nosce Te Ipsum; Know thyself. You are not less, you are greater than you can ever imagine.
• You're not alone, surround yourself with positive people who have made an impact in your life and helped you pull through. Dispose dead weights who have brought you down, you don't need excess negativity—especially through a stressful school year. 
• You will have your ups and downs, it's all about learning to handle them. Find an outlet is my best advice for you, whether it's reading, writing (my personal fave), working out, eating (first personal fave), etc. Though, don't distract yourself in order to run away from reality—Get shit done so you could get somewhere and say you did it.
• Go ahead, be negative, be positive, get mad, get sad—You will go through a whirlwind of emotions and it's okay not to be okay. Learn to pick yourself up again and gear towards motivation and kicking ass. 
• Sleep...Seriously, sleep if you have to.
• Fear for the future, but learn to conquer it by dreaming big. Surely, you'll doubt yourself at one point in time. But don't stay in that state for too long, gain confidence and watch what you're able to do unfold.
• Take a risk once in a while, whether it's something you've never done before—or a mindset that hasn't occurred to you. Learn to not bring yourself down, self-acceptance; learn to be more optimistic, even if you're a pessimist—those count as risks. Change up your routine, eat new food, learn a language, watch or listen to a movie or music genre out of your comfort zone. You're just changing a minor detail in your life and you never know, it may lead to greater things...
• Appreciate the little things.

And sure maybe you had an idea of what you wanted to do, but realize this isn't what you wanted. Judging by your current situation, whether it's money, time, and all that effort—It's okay that you've realized it, just make do and turn your life around in the long run. If you're settled and you love what you're doing, then keep it up and I'm sure as hell glad and proud that you've found the pathway you want.

Dreams and passions are always getting gutted by expectations and what others want, but we can always achieve what we want if we put our minds and heart to it. I hope that everyone's school year isn't as tough as it should and that you'll able to pull through! It's okay if you bombed a test or assignment, don't give up and expect that, that's the grade you're going to end up with. I stuck with that mentality for my first two years of university and at this point, I'm all about just putting in effort and seeing where it can take me. You can do this and if you don't believe it, well know that someone out there does.

Don't give up.
Keep going forward.
Conquer.

xoxo

Ashley

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